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The Online Home of Carl Lee Wheless, Jr. |
American - Texan - Citizen Soldier - Marine |
Why Can't Life Always Be So Simple? August 10, 2005 One of the things that make the life of a warrior attractive is that while you have awesome responsibilities, life is mostly simple. You have a set role to play in the world. You have orders to follow and missions to complete. Yes, it takes time, energy, imagination, and creativity to follow those orders and complete those missions. However, your life's focus and the things over which you have control are clearly defined. In my case, it's made even simpler by the fact that I currently do not have a significant other or children which to worry about or deal with (like some other poor soldiers who have had a rough time of it - Like some of them, when I came to Iraq, I thought I had a girlfriend, and fortunately, soon learned that she was not what needed in my life and promptly removed that source of stress from my life). Although I am a "Newsy" (meaning one of my hobbies is to keep track of the latest news, current events, and politics), I must admit it has been nice to be pretty much removed from that environment as well. No longer do I have to constantly hear the snarling of the ideologs, the spinning of the politicians, the shrieking of activists, the verbal contortions of commentators, or the blabbering of those in the media Yes, we are still exposed to these things from time to time over here, but I have little to no time or patience for it - especially on the subject of Iraq - most people back home don't have the first clue as to what goes on over here or the difference we are making. One of the other things I have enjoyed is being able to focus on the present, the here and now, what is at hand. Other than making plans for my time home on R&R, I have been able to avoid being too concerned about my future. That time is now quickly coming to an end. We are now on the "downhill slide" of this deployment. I can no longer afford to think of what I will do in the future in the context of a passing thought or wishful daydream. I have some very hard decisions to make in the very near future - decisions that will absolutely have an impact on my life from the time this deployment ends and through the day that I pass from being on this earth. I no longer have the luxury of time on my side. Like it or not, I am forty years of age. While I feel young and know that I will be productive and useful for many decades to come, those who do not dwell in the hallways of my heart and corridors of my mind most likely will not be as benevolent with their assessments or as tolerant in their perceptions of me. I still see myself as a man still in his prime while others may see a middle aged guy who they worry may not be able to produce or have the endurance of a younger man. The decisions I will soon make will be it - the last major "Hoorah" I most likely will get. Life has not been all that easy or materially rewarding for me, but I have done well in ways that most people will never know. I have been given a wonderful gift and blessing to have the chance to serve once again. This leads to decisions that soon have to be made. This is the source of my current uncertainty - not because I don't know how to make a decision - but because I am at the beginning of the process of making a decision and while several paths lay before me, none are yet clearly defined and no matter what I do decide, others will have a hand in whether or not what I finally decide will be granted to me. I am referring to my continued service to my country in the military and where it will lead me. Army leadership has recently become "enlightened" and decided that it could now use some of us National Guardsmen and Reservists back in the ranks of the "Regular" Army. This is a sore point with me, as I tried to enlist into the "Regular" Army a week after "9-11" and was basically rejected (through no fault of my own - but that is another story for another time). However, while I will always remember the slap in the face I received at that time, I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I don't have time to wallow in the past. I just want to serve my nation, have a stable career, and know that a reliable retirement awaits me when it is time for me to finally move along (This is a long way from where I was nearly four years ago when this journey started, when all I wanted was to once again wear the uniform and honor the promise I made to a dear friend - It's seems no matter how you try, things always do change). In the past, I have pretty much settled on the idea of applying for an AGR position once we had returned from this deployment and we were demobilized. (AGR: Active Guard and Reserve - There is a Cadre of Guardsmen and Reservist who serve "full time" to keep the administrative and logistic functions of their units intact and ready for whatever may come, while the remainder of the unit serves one weekend a month and two weeks out of the year. AGR personnel have the same exact pay and benefits as their Active Duty counterparts, including retirement - but are employed by the State, not Federal Government). If somehow going AGR did not prove to be a viable option, I could always return to my civilian job - repairing copiers, fax machines, and printers (it is not glamorous and you'll never get rich doing it, but it is honest, respectable work and pays the bills) - and continue to serve as a "M Day" soldier ("M Day" soldiers are those soldiers who serve one weekend a month and two weeks out of the year). Hell, I have already reenlisted for six years and by the time that contract is up, I will only have two or three years more to serve before I can retire from the Guard (Guard and Reserve retirement is markedly different from that of those who serve on Active Duty. Once you have served twenty years in the National Guard, you can retire. The amount of your retirement pay is calculated from points you have been awarded for your time in service both in the Reserve Component and on Active Duty, as well as your rank and numerous other factors. You start receiving payments at the age of sixty, whereas when someone serves twenty years on Active Duty and retires, they start receiving their payments immediately upon retirement). Financially, I would most likely be better off either going on Active Duty or going AGR at the end of this tour than to return to my civilian job. I would make more money, have much better benefits, and have a retirement waiting for me when I come to need it. Emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually, I feel I have no choice but to either go Active Duty or AGR. I am a warrior and I was denied what I consider my birthright when I had to leave the military in 1993 due to the "Reduction In Forces". I am once again a warrior and a whole man (Basically being forced to leave the military in 1993 was a great personal tragedy for me, but is another story for another time). I cannot walk away from who I am - I am a warrior. The question now becomes, what would be better for me, as well as what would be better for the Army; for me to go Active or AGR? There are so many things to consider. Life will probably be easier for me and I will stay in Texas if I go AGR, but life is too damned short to look for the easy way out, and while I love Texas, as a warrior must go to the fight when the fight is joined, and that means going wherever I am needed. If I go Active Duty, if I don't immediately spend another tour in Iraq, I surely will again be deployed to Iraq within one or two years. If I go AGR, it will most likely be five years before I deploy again, if at all - unless I volunteer. Another consideration is my experience in my MOS (Military Occupation Specialty - "My job"). I am a 19K, Armor Crewman - a "Tanker". Tanks still are the main shock force on the battlefield, but fewer and fewer nations field a military that requires mass numbers of tanks to counter (I have not forgotten about Iran, North Korea, or China). How much longer will it be before the Army starts shedding more of its tanks and Tankers? I have been through "downsizing" before, and I damned sure want nothing to do with it again. Besides, I have hardly any real experience as a "Tanker" even though I am a Sergeant. The Army will want and need experienced Sergeants within its ranks. Granted, I now have valuable operational experience in a combat zone, but not as a Tanker. Then, finally, there is the reality I am absolutely loath to face; I am forty years of age. Most Sergeants are nearly half my age. How will that affect me and my performance? I think I can keep up and carry my load, but what about five years down the road? Ten years? Combat Arms is no picnic and being a Tanker requires as much strength and endurance as being in the Infantry. However, I offer years of invaluable experience as an NCO and being a leader - that should always be in demand in the Army. Then there are my civilian experiences. Believe it or not, drawing on those lessons learned, I have something to offer that many in the Army do not - a fresh, new and "outside the box" perspective others may not have. I also have my experience as a Marine to draw upon. The Army is moving more and more towards operating is a fashion reminiscent of the way the Marine Corps operates - Units of Action and Units of Maneuver are just different labels for the model of the Marine Expeditionary Unit/Brigade/Force. I am confident I can do it - once again being a professional warrior on Active Duty - but will I be given a chance? I guess all there is to do is to wait and see. It would be nice to go home and take it easy, but that's just not my style. I am a warrior. I will just be glad when I have all of the facts at hand so I can make my decision, and "the verdict" is finally handed down for whatever decision I make and request that I make. Part of being a warrior means that life is simple; even if you have awesome responsibilities. I yearn to being able to return on concentrating on the here and now, and focusing on the next battle. |
